I have one more episode of The Bill to watch
December 5, 2009 at 4:00 am | In television | Leave a CommentTags: christmas, shit, telly, the bill
Y’know like when you eat your chips before the burger, or drink the Ben shaws shit before have proper coke. Well I’ve got a sky+ full of top quality entertainment, such as:
Air crash investigation
Spooks
Monty Python
Crown Court (no Foxy Knoxy’s in 1970s Granada sadly)
And, of course, The mother fuckin’ Bill
I love the new format of The Bill. It’s like how it always was but more stylish. It’s like Sainsbury’s before and after Jamie Oliver started doing their commercials. It’s not quite like Morrisons trying to drop the average age of their shoppers from 65 to 40 and deciding that Richard Hamond was the chap for the job. You see, Morrisons is still shit, but Sainsbury’s have milth advertising now and The Bill is awesome.
Anyway. I’m gonna save the final episode of The Bill I have recorded for Chtistmas day, right after The Queen’s speech. It should be spiffing and proper crimbo entertainment. No bastard Eastbenders or Bobbinsnation Street here. Gimmie some nice trendy entertainment like The Bill, some peanuts and maybe a drink of Irn Bru. That’s what christmas is all about… Oh and the Baby Jesus.
Make this Christmas a The Bill Christmas.
The Bill is mostly awesome now
November 29, 2009 at 11:40 pm | In opinion, television | Leave a CommentTags: child interviews, how to ruin a tv show, mickey, police drama, the bill, tv
This new format for The Bill is a real hot topic for debate. Some people love it, some people hate it, others couldn’t give a toss either way.
Well I for one absolutely love it. It really is a breath of fresh air. Some folk say it’s a really shit rip-off of CSI but I don’t agree. For a kick-off CSI isn’t set in London. The Bill is older than CSI too. It’s like 30 years old or something.
Some people say it wants to be Cracker, but just ends up looking like shit. Well, again Cracker wasn’t set in London. It was set in Manchester and in Hong Kong once – I think it was anyway.
I often run the risk of infringing broadcasting laws by ‘tweeting’ a live commentary of The Bill episodes over twitter. Nobody pays any attention but I enjoy doing it because The Bill is bloody brilliant. Here’s what I love about The Bill.
- Sun Hill Police Station has a HD camera at every crime hotspot within Sun Hill and it has a live feed into the Police station. I love watching the rozzers in the station react as they watch the drama unfold on their big tellys. It’s like a space ship or something. Bloody awesome if you think about it. Since The Bill is 100% accurate it makes me feel really secure knowing the police have such good methods of watching crime happen.
- I love it when they interview kids. It is well powerful seeing the police have to interview kids when trying to solve a crime. Interviewing minors is obviously gripping to watch and pretty cutting edge. Seeing about 8 child interviews per episode is just brilliant. I love the mind-games. The other week they had a officer get info from a kid by taking him for a ride in a police car and talking about computer games. That was just awesome.
- Being Northern I am obviously deeply racist, therefore I love how most of the arrests in Sun Hill appear to be of our Black population. It confirms what I always suspected and I shall use these statistics at my next racism-a-thon.
- That mickey character is just boss. He’s so convincing with his psychology. I wish he was my dad.
- The story lines are just so original. Some episodes are just so so dramatic. It’s bloody sexy.
So there you are. The new format of The Bill is the best thing ever. It is even better that better because it’s also in HD. This means I can see the filth of Sun Hill more clearly.
Everyone should watch The Bill. It’s on ITV on Thursday nights at 9pm. Or, just follow me on twitter for my live coverage.
My mobile post- i still hate stuff
November 27, 2009 at 3:18 am | In moan | Leave a CommentTags: gadgets, iphone apps, northern rail, nuts, scum, tits
Well I am very clever.
This pointless entry is being made using the wordpress app for iPhone penis extension series. It’s all very fancy. Right now I’m falling asleep and am therefore just writing stuff. Talking of stuff, isn’t that a trendy comic? Like nuts but aimed for for people who toss over themselves owning the latest satnav, rather than than the wayhay! Brigade wanking over pictures of michelle marsh.
Well I prefer to read viz. It’s a much more sensible read and Roger Mellie is my hero. I would love to be him for a day, I imagine it’d be more awesome than seeing every northern rail board member getting locked on one of their shitbox trains and being taken on every fucking journey in there network, being made to stand whilst doing it- and charging the fuckers £80 a day for the pleasure. The lords of northern rail really are shit at their ‘job’.
This shit better add.
Faster than arse super fast bt broadband FTW
September 28, 2009 at 4:16 pm | In opinion, technology | Leave a CommentTags: broadband, faults, disconnect, slow, adsl, adsl2, 20 mbps, bt, commercial
Dear Sir of Super hyper broadband access,
I write to you after seeing your wanktastic commercial advertising your wankathon mega-hyper-power broadband of the 20 meg. I am well after your product. It looks like the shit.
Do you see? I am currently sitting on a wank-as-fuck (technical term) faulty broadband connection. In that wonderful commercial of yours – you know, the one with the MILF looking for houses and the Bristol Live Frogger fail chap relaying the house details to the hapless estate agent, who’s internets are slower than a phone exchange upgrade. Well, in that ad the connection the estate agent has is just like mine. It’s faulty as arse. Now I want me some 20 meg sexy broadband. Yes, I know my distance to the ‘exchange’ (where is that?) alters my speed, and if i’m miles away then it’s slower, but I just want me some working broadband. Just like in your tv advert.
So, i’ve decided to dump my fine and fair Internets Service Provider to go with you fuckers. I am sure upgrading me to your lovely-time-sexy broadband will fix all my wanky connection problems. My line will stop disconnecting, running slower than a concrete slab of shit and fuck up because your ad shows my “up-to-8-meg” connection and it’s toss. Then I see your “up-to-20-meg” connection and its awesome. I’m gonna be loving this. I cannot wait for extra-fast porn… soz, i mean learning shit from Wikipedia well fast.
Awesome.
England hammer a Croatian team who must have started to believe all the hype
September 11, 2008 at 1:42 am | In football, opinion | Leave a CommentTags: croatia, england, fabio capello, football, hype, slaven bilic, soccer, ukraine, walcott, world cup
Its agreed by most people that smoking is cool. Ear rings are pretty cool too. Slaven Bilic is therefore pretty cool. Add a trendy but casual suit and you’ve got sex. Happens that the sex symbol of football managers has perhaps got a little bit too big for his designer shoes as Croatia – the team he coaches – went into their game against England tonight with nothing but confidence. Now confidence is a good thing, but too much can be dangerous. I’d say Croatia were dangerously high on confidence. Continue reading England hammer a Croatian team who must have started to believe all the hype…
The hunt for a Red October
September 9, 2008 at 5:42 pm | In f1, opinion | Leave a CommentTags: belgian, belgium, f1, fia, grand prix, hamilton, penalty, raikkonen
When I was younger I used to play Football for my school. I always really enjoyed Football as it was a fun and competitive sport. I was a pretty handy winger with a wicked right foot on me. I recall one match where it was 1-1 with 10 minutes to play. I received the ball on the left flank and as quick as a mental cat, I skinned one of their defenders and headed for the penalty area. At this point I noticed a team mate who was unmarked and a short simple side-foot pass away from having a clear shot at goal. I then noticed a tiny gap for a shot. The angle for the shot was difficult because I was near the corner of the penalty area, but not impossible. So I had a go, curled it outside one of the defenders and across the keeper. The ball was bending towards the top corner, but ended up going too far before clipping the outside of the far post and going out for a goal kick. It was a wonderful shot, so close! Continue reading The hunt for a Red October…
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